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ED Hell
My Writings
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Below are some of my writings - not very good I'm afraid, but it is the best way I know of expressing myself.  Enjoy!


Please note that the writings below are written by the author of this website, and are protected under the Copywrite Act 2004.  No use of the material on this page may be used without first seeking permission from the author.  For further details contact

 If You Knew
What would you think if you really knew?


If you knew the turmoil I was in


If you knew the anguish I put myself through day after day


Not a moment goes by when I am not in pain


What if you knew the reasons behind my disappearance acts


What if you knew the real me


You would recoil in horror


You would be disgusted


You would leave


That is why I cannot let you in


I cannot let you see who I really am


Because I tell you


That I am a fake!




It is that time of year again

The holidays are approaching

I am in a state of panic

Going home

Being around friends and family

But mostly of being around the food


Everywhere I go

I am being bombarded with

Adverts and signs that say

"Only X days to Christmas"

Don't they realise what a stressful time of year

That is to some


Christmas has never been a happy time

All the arguments

All the fighting

Why can't I just skip Christmas this year?

Can I just sleep through the holiday season?

And wake up the following year?


Have You Ever?
Have you ever passed someone in the street
And just known the pain they are in?
Have you ever seen your soul
Reflected in their eyes?
I know I have
Have you ever wanted to reach out and  say
I know, I understand
Have you ever wanted to offer a hug and some support?
I know I have
What is it with us?
That we seem to tune in to
Another person's pain?
Is it because we see ourselves reflected there?

Don't Judge


So you know someone

Who suffers around food

And what do you think?

Do you laugh, smirk or grin

Please don't


Do you think that she is crazy?

Do you think it's disgusting?

Do you think "please just pull yourself together"?

Please don't


Whatever your thoughts are

Please remember this

That whatever you think

There is not a day that goes by

That the sufferer does not have

These exact same thoughts


I beg of you

Not to judge, ridicule or laugh

At what is impossible to understand

Unless you have been here too


It Hurts
No matter what she does
The pain and the anguish
Are still there
She knows not
What to do
She wears a smile
But it is not real
For internally she is crying
But it is easier to smile and laugh
Or so she thinks
Than to admit defeat...

Love And Lies


You told me you would help me

Yoy told me you would never leave me

You told me that I would feel no hurt

Just as long as you were here


So why do I hurt so?

Why does it feel that I'm carrying

Such a burden on my shoulders?


You told me that you loved me

You told me that no one could love me

As you do

So why does it hurt so?


If this is love

I know I don't want it

But do not know

How else to survive


I want you gone

I want you out

But I am scared


Despite the abuse

You have been a comfort

Despite the hurt

Despite the lies

You have always been my crutch


I want you gone

I want you here

Oh, such a dilemma I am in

Do I want you, or not?


A False Bravado

Shy and Fearful

The Image In The Mirror


The Void



Giving Up?

The Looking Glass

By The Lake

The Cliff

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Out of Control

A Secret

The Ritual

A Mask

Clinging On?

Waiting to Fall




In Control?

My Image

Confident? I Fear Not!

Don't Stray

Friend or Foe


My Bed


What is the Point?


To Stay or to Fight?

Stepping Back



Scale Control

An Act

The Ice Cracks


A Tortured Soul

What Would You Do?