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ED Hell
My Reasons For Fighting
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Below you will find my reasons for why I persisted with recovery.  Maybe some of you may be able to identify with some of what I have written, but I must emphasise that these are my reasons, and my reasons only.  What works for one person may not necessarily work for another.  Enjoy!

  • I am currently undertaking a couselling course, and how on earth could I hope to help others if I am not looking after myself.
  • I would hate for my behaviours to result in my inability to get a job offer
  • I hate the feelings of self-disgust, and the guilt that seem to come hand-in-hand with the ed
  •  I hate the insomnia - the sleepless nights have got to be one of the worst things.  During the day I can try to keep busy to avoid whatever it is that is going on at that particular point and time, but at night, there is no escaping it
  •  Fear of being found out by family/friends who don't know about the ed - people tend to judge what they do not understand, and I know with a certainty that I would be judged.  Some of my friends that do know, just don't seem to get it.  If I happen to mention that I will be late because I have "my usual Friday night appointment", or something along those lines, I can detect the disgust and the awkwardness in their voice
  • I am scared to stay where I am at at the moment, when you start having involuntary episodes you know that it is time to get help - and NOW!  Thankfully this has not happened me in a few months, and at the time it did happen I was in total denial - I claimed that it was "just a stomach bug", which at the time I honestly believed was the case.  It is only now when I look back that I realise that it was more than a stomach bug.
  • I do not want to have a sore throat for all eternity
  • I want my skin to be clearer, because everyone is always commenting on how bad my skin is - so I will do anything to stop these comments
  • I do  not want to lose all my teeth - sadly one of my biggest regrets, for ever having gone down this road in the first place is that I have definitely ruined my teeth
  • I do not want my stomach to feel raw the whole time, whether or not I am engaging in the behaviours - this does not happen on the frequency that it once did (thankfully)
  • I do not want to have heart burn as a result of my actions - sadly, this still does happen on occasion
  • I want to be able to go out, and enjoy eating with friends
  • I want to be able to socialise without having any misgivings about that
  • I do not want to live in fear for the rest of my life, fear that everyone will discover the truth about me
  • I want to be able to exercise without feeling as if everyone is staring at me
  • I want to be able to wear any type of clothes, and feel comfortable in them
  • I want to feel comfortable in my own skin 
  • I want to live again - I want a life!