Make your own free website on
ED Hell
Why Can't I Stop?
Home | Recent Updates on Website | My Story | My Recovery | Acceptance | Self Care | Pro ED Sites | What is Recovery Like? | Recovery | What Does Being Fully Recovered Mean? | Feelings/Thoughts | My Writings | My Writings 2 | Other Peoples Writings | Motivational/Inspirational Stories | My Reasons For Fighting | Why Continue | Advice For Sufferers | What Family/Friends Can Do To Help | Aids in Recovery | Holidays and Eating Distress | Depression | Sexuality | Spirituality | Self-Harmful Behaviours | If It's Not About Food What Is It About? | Is Eating Distress An Addiction? | Why Can't I Stop? | Finding Your True Self | Boundaries | Good Practice in Confronting | The Effect of Bulimia on Teeth | The Media And Its' Influence | Interesting Facts | Useful Quotes | Books | Music | Links | My Guestbook

Ok, I Have A Problem, But Why Can't I Stop Even Though I Want Out?

I tried to "just quit" numerous times, but it just never seemed to work.  I want out so badly, but I used to get so scared of letting go.  I was stuck as a consequence of the fear - I was scared to go back to where I was, but also scared to move on without it.  This resulted in me just feeling stuck.  I felt that I should be able to just move forward - best foot forward and all that, right?  Wrong!
I didn't know what else is there, if I didn't have the ed?  Who or what would I be without it?  It has gotten me through rough times, without it I most definitely would not have managed.  As a consequnce of this I believed that if this was the case why let go?  My behaviours were a routine to me, and part of me did not want to change.  As my previous therapist used to say "it has served you a purpose over the years", so hence, I felt why should I let it go?  Also, until all the muck is dealt with it is something that will remain.  
It was definitely easier to stay in the behaviours than fight them.  Why is this?  The latter hurts like hell - that is why!  Fighting the urges is not a fun place to be.  It hurts like hell!