Being fully recovered is an absolute fantastic feeling, especially as it is only in recent
times that I have started to accept this. Being fully recovered does not mean that life is perfect, however it does
mean that I can cope with situations without resorting to behavious. It means being comfortable with who I am, and other
people's opinions are not important. Being in a relationship with myself is top priority. There is so much freedom
at this stage of my life, and so exciting. There was a time in my life where I gave up some of my passions, due to other
people's expectations - however, that is no longer the case. Through denying things I was passionate about, it had the
impact of me realising just how passionate I was about certain things.
Also, it means, that as life is a continuam, there will always be some area of life that
will need addressing or fine tuning, and I accept that as being part of the freedom that comes with full recovery. I
am ok with that, and accept that as being my destiny. It means having the freedom to be me, and voice my opinions -
even if others do not agree with them. As honesty is something I value, this is something I try to live by - I feel
that honesty equals respect for others.
Also, I believe that the most challenging times of our lives, are what offer us the most
important lessons to be learnt. Part of my freedom is being able to open up to people, and also, realising that I need
to be able to have that freedom around what I articulate - because as a fire sign, one of my personality traits is to go with
the flow, so if my enthusiasm for life is curbed in any way, it can have unpleasant results.
Freedom surrounding my body image was something that I struggled with. Part of my
body image was tied in with some physical problems I was having (I suffered with digestive problems, which were far from pleasant).
Going through the discomfort of the physicality of my stomach added to the shame I had surrounding my body. Also, the
body image definitely tied in with owning my own sexuality.
Freedom surrounding hobbies, clothes, goals in life, also tie in with what being recovered
means.
Yes, there are some scenarios that may cause discomfort, but I know I have the tools in
my toolbag, to deal with them in the best way I know how. Also, being recovered means acknowledging that I may not always
deal with things in the ideal way - I am only human afterall, and no one is perfect, except at being perfect at being imperfect.
Being recovered means that I am ok if I feel sad, disheartened etc., as feeling all feelings,
regardless of what they are, is part of what being human is about. No one is happy all of the time, so why sould it
be any different for me!?! Through recovery, I have found it harder to have that eggshell around me that I used to have
- people tend to now know when I am feeling vulnerable or whatever, as it tends to show.
